The future isn’t now, it’s later

I don’t have an iPhone and while it may be acceptable in Portland, it’s an object of astonishment in Gotham City. When I take out my phone, people exclaim “what is that?” as if I’d just donned a monocle. I’m in the process of deciding whether I should join the technological present (which, as a friend pointed out, I mistakenly refer to as the future).
I had dinner with a blind man last night and he was talking to his iPhone. Talking TO the phone, not VIA the phone! Robot lady didn’t have the answer to his question and when he told her she was dumb, she replied with “I respect you.” Whaaaa!?! I don’t want goddamn r-e-s-p-e-c-t from technology, I want HELP!
Later in the evening, I sat at a bar, flanked by my sister who wields a Blackberry and a wild-eyed boy with his iPhone. I proposed a game: let’s compare your last two phone photos. The first juxtaposition was quite nice: his, an airplane sunrise and my sister’s, a Brooklyn building-rise I captured.

Fun game! We played again with “five photos back” and that was also interesting. I don’t remember who said it, but “last X-rated photo” was the third category. The result went something like this:

We should have just ended the game with that winning hand, but ”No, no, no!” sister & I said. “Your photo isn’t risqué at all, we have a bare ass here!” Big mistake. He said, “Well, the last thing I have is a video of a cum shot on a girl’s ass. She wanted me to film it.” Oh.my.god.the.horror! Game over! I can’t tell if we won or lost, which is a telltale sign of technology overload. The iPhone resistance continues…until the future.