Archive for March, 2010

When in San Fran…

Posted in Uncategorized on March 31, 2010 by Cristina

Get thee to a tranny venue. The hotness above was our lovely waitress at Asia SF, the last stop on our self guided First Annual Sushi & Sake Tour. OK, so they didn’t have sushi, but the sake drinks were awesome and the ladies were so friendly and entertaining that we forgot all about raw fish. This place was a surprise since our friend picked it, so I was inappropriately dressed. After taking in the scene, I exclaimed to our hostess something like, “Ugh, I wish I wasn’t wearing this dorky turtleneck shirt” to which she replied with, “Oh honey, the demure look is sexy!” I normally don’t like being called honey, but somehow, that was perfect. The combination of super-friendly service, hot booty-shakin’ and delicious food left us with semi-permanent ear-to-ear smiles. I aaalmost peed my pants laughing when the dancers teased the innocent-looking boy from Kentucky… that’s what you get for wearing hot horn-rimmed glasses and ordering a phallic ice cream cone. There was no better way to cap off a day of hedonism than this fun little place.

Not special

Posted in Uncategorized on March 22, 2010 by Cristina

Thought I was, but I’m not. It seems that all of the “original” thoughts I’ve had were only original to me and the vastness of the human consciousness had at some point already come up with them. My first memory of such disappointment was at the age of 11 or 12 when I learned that reincarnation wasn’t my invention. I came up with a complex set of rules about which animals would turn into which other ones based on awesomeness (placing pandas and puppies high and mosquitoes low on the scale). Apparently, being raised by a priest didn’t dilute my imagination. When I got to the states and learned that Indian people had been living by these rules for thousands of years, I was bummed. Last week, I experienced two of these blows back-to-back. First, a friend squashed the originality of an idea about opening up a tree-house bed and breakfast on the Pacific Coast. Second, during an epic two-day procrastination session, I was doing research about how to strike matches off my cowboy boots. Being genuinely bad-ass is harder in these modern times, what with no horses to jump onto from rooftops and no car to do reverse 180s. After two hours of unsuccessful yet fascinating research, I gave up and decided to cheat by grafting the strike strips of matchbooks onto the soles of my boots. The illusion of bad-assness is good enough for me. But alas, when I shared this idea with a friend, she said, “Oh yeah, my friend used to do that back in the 80s on her Vans.” AAAAHHHHH!!! NOOOO! I guess I’ll have to live out the rest of my days with this realization of un-specialness as I come up with more un-original ideas that are nonetheless fun. I’ll be sitting up in my treehouse thinking about my pending reincarnation as a seeing-eye dog while sneakily lighting matches off mah boots.

Present month

Posted in Uncategorized on March 12, 2010 by Cristina

I’m dedicating the remainder of March to gift giving and receiving. You’ll probably get one from me if I see you and/or have your address. This was inspired by some of the presents I’ve received in the last couple of weeks… I want to spread the love. March 1st was my peoples’ version of Valentine’s day, Mărţişor, so my mom sent my sister and I little charm thingies to pin on our shirts. It was very sweet of her and made me smile… until I realized that the little gold charm she put on there was Dora the Explorer, then it made me laugh. Apparently, my mom thought it looked like me, nice.

Just a week later, it was international women’s day, so again, my mom mails me a present but this time it comes in a gigantic box from someplace called the Thomas Jefferson Foundation in Virginia. Hmmm… with my curiosity peaked, the unveiling went a little something like this:

Huh? The nosedive “Oh” was because after all the crazy-wrapping anticipation, the present inside turned out to be a little bundle of plastic flowers fused into a shot glass.

She thought she was buying real flowers that would arrive packaged in ice and said “oooh, only Americans could do something like this, wrap up fake flowers so nice. Gosh, how embarrassing is this [My translation for y’all].” Sadness, but the good news is that on the window ledge between my orchid and cactus, they look almost real! Thanks for the thought, mom. The last present, a two-CD set titled “Gustar Mix” from a musically-inclined friend, was a really fun surprise. She made me wanna share share share music with other people too, so I’m ready to start a burnin’ those discs. In the interest of your time & mine, I’ll keep the wrapping modest. Keep your eyes peeled for a gift coming to a pocket or mailbox near you. Happy March!

Funsettling art

Posted in Uncategorized on March 10, 2010 by Cristina

So… this is unsettling. Crouching Boy in Mirror by Ron Mueck (1999) was part of the aptly named temporary exhibit, Disquieted, shown at the Portland Art Museum. I was planning on checking it out anyways, but my fantastic professor of a literary criticism class assigned this visit as a final exam. Yesss! Getting to walk around cool art and analyze one piece is probably the most superb schoolthing I’ve ever been asked to do (besides building that biosphere replica in the 6th grade). I’ll probably write about the aforementioned creepy boy who, in his silica and fiberglass way, made my heart race. This is no House of Wax amateurism, the Aussie’s sculptures are too realistic to NOT shake you to the bone. A little video clip of his other work is way impressive, enjoy and get thee to your nearest art museum!

Spring, you lied!

Posted in Uncategorized on March 8, 2010 by Cristina

On Saturday you promised sunshine and warmth. It was the first flip-flop-wearing day so I celebrated with an inaugural visit to Laurelhurst park which turns out to be just as glorious and weird as Central Park. I can’t wait to explore all the nooks and crannies until I find the perfect meditation spot like I did last summer in NYC. Spring, you said I could sit outside on the grass and sew and watch people hula-hoop and wait for the sleeping guitar boy to wake up and play me some tunes. You lied because today all of those things are an impossibility, it’s freezing outside. People are whispering rumors of snow and hail, so before things get out of hand, you’d better come back to save some face. Don’t toy with us again.

Music meets nature

Posted in Uncategorized on March 7, 2010 by Cristina


Last night, I went to my FIFTH performance outing for the week. You’d think I was making a living off these jolly-good-times but it’s been just a series of coincidences that have added up to a week-long entertainment orgy. The Mimicking Birds were a band I’d planned to see during MusicFest NW last year but just didn’t have the energy to go to a fifth night of music that week… it seems I’ve built up a bit of a tolerance over the last six months. Luckily, friends and I got to sit comfortably in velvet seats; unluckily, it was directly in front of obnoxious striped shirt guys who were too busy macking to quietly enjoy the show. The residual New Yorker inside caused me to turn around and give them the evil eye which they may or may not have misunderstood as flirting, ugh. Silence was extra important because our minds were being blown by the juxtaposition of sweet music and videos of Planet Earth. That’s right, none other than the coolest Discovery Channel series ever. The full splendor of the nature show was being projected the entire time behind the band. Imagine their beautiful music meshed with this mushroom time lapse action, just imagine:

It was sublime! The band either didn’t know these images were distracting or they just didn’t care since it obviously enhanced our experience (their music is more than solid enough to stand alone, so not really an issue). Since it was an album release party, I got one and have been thoroughly enjoying it all day as I try to keep thoughts of shrooms and trees from distracting me from the work I need to do.

Humans, you’re super!

Posted in Uncategorized on March 6, 2010 by Cristina

Pardon my morbidity, but if I knew I was dying next week, I’d do more or less what I did on Thursday night. The day turned out to be a veritable kaleidoscope of human awesomeness. First, a gourmet dinner with good friends sharing stories about crazies, boys and Barbarella costumes as we stuffed our faces with the most delicious caesar salad, raw tuna and crunchy nixtamal. My tastebuds thank the universe that humans have figured out how to make eggs and sugar do this:

Then, a little stroll to take in some really cool art. It was my first glimpse of Portland’s First Thursday art shindig and I didn’t see as much as I would have liked. My eyes thank the universe that humans have figured out how to shape sand into this:

Lastly, I booked it to the theater to watch Random Dance Company’s Entity, a show that I knew very little about: only that it was British and had been described as “a great sexy beast of a piece.” With that kind of review, who was I to say no to my friend’s invitation? It was so phenomenal! There was so much amazing stuff happening on stage, I didn’t even know where to look and had to remind myself to relax my neck muscles once in a while. My heartbeat thanks the universe that humans have figured out how to move their bodies like in this video:

The finale was a fireside chat catching up and exclaiming at the dance magic. I’m down on humans sometimes but after seeing and tasting the night’s creations, I can’t help but well up with pride in our species. The more I experience of this magic, the more I want… I’m thinking that I won’t get my fill in the next 60 years (if I’m lucky).