Archive for October, 2011

Mmmm brains!

Posted in Uncategorized on October 30, 2011 by Cristina

Not having the time to prepare my dream halloween costume (decapitated giraffe), I chose an obviously easy one: cannibal. Feasting on humans is something I often discuss, so it wasn’t too much of a stretch (less so than last year’s costume of Virgin/Bloody Mary). I needed to decide what kind of cannibal to be. Could’ve chosen the sexy route like so…

But alas, my human-suede bikini was at the dry cleaners and no time for body augmentation.

There was also the anthropologically-authentic version…

But I’ve been reading too much about indigenous deaths to be ok with it and I don’t have enough of a tan to pass for an Aztec.

What I do have is oodles of purple clothing, so: Purple People Eater! Complete with garlic salt, spork and human bone on my tool belt of death, I was bummed that it wasn’t as easily recognizable as I’d expected. Shoot, should’ve just stuck with the classics:

Loser’s log: Day 1

Posted in Uncategorized on October 27, 2011 by Cristina

People see me and think that I look ok and life is ok. I may smile and drink coffee in public once in a while, but my days and nights are consumed by epic amounts of reading before a big test. My multitasking has escalated to the ridiculousness of untying shoelaces while I pee… or peeing in the shower… or showering while listening to poems. I’m aware that these measures are quite unnecessary, but they make me feel better about my productivity. Because I’m absurd, and life is not ok.

I used to be a stellar student who read, highlighted, made study guides, passed them around, all that jazz. My chemistry lab book was so flawless, you’d think I had the fear of deportation in me or something (actually, my parents did threaten to send me back when I got a D on an English test).

I (halfway) joked with a friend and explained how this attitude changed:
“I tasted dick and alcohol and realized that schoolwork was for chumps.” Ugh, wrong! (but kinda right)
So, while my lips and shot glasses are collecting dust, I’m putting life back in Turbo Nerd gear and heading out for a brisk fall walk as I listen to an article on Hasta no verte Jesús mío… that I ermmmm, recorded myself. gaaah! Unibrow and greasy hair, here I come!

Here, There and Everywhere

Posted in Uncategorized on October 22, 2011 by Cristina

Received some sad news this morning. I no longer hold a Guinness World Record. I’d broken this record along with 1,051 other people dressed as Waldo at a Rutgers University children’s book drive in 2009.

I’ve probably milked the fame and the outfit enough these last two glorious years, wearing it for my Spanish classes while teaching directions like,
– ¿Dónde está Waldo?
– ¡A la derecha de la silla!
If you’re in need of an easy halloween costume, say the word and a set of hat/glasses/shirt will be on its way to you.
The new record was set in Dublin this summer by a rowdy bunch numbering 3,657! I’m glad the Irish did it. Because they’re rad:

I don’t know what it is about this goofy character that’s so universally appealing, but he makes everyone smile.
Even cool guy Werner Herzog loves him:

Waldos occupy Wall St! Now, THAT would be something!

It really smells like that

Posted in Uncategorized on October 16, 2011 by Cristina

I predict that the next episode of Portlandia will be about the odor of our fecal matter. ‘Cause we, the fine people of the City of Roses, use specially-wrapped toilet paper:

Nun like it

Posted in Uncategorized on October 12, 2011 by Cristina

My current nunlike lifestyle features hours of reading spanish classics and researching boring language trends. While studying the epic poem Cantar de Mio Cid, I watched my red pen underline his wife’s words “Ay, mi señor, barba tan cumplida” and jot this note beside the verses: “HOTT!” Shame on me. But hey, there’s no denying homeboy was a fox:

The only thing I regret is not writing this one myself: Beards in the Poema de Mio Cid: Structural and Contextual Patterns. That is a real article by a real bad-ass literary critic; coincidentally (or not), it was published the same year that two fellas of the ZZ Top fame took a break from touring to grow chest-length beards. Just sayin’.

Since I apparently have a one-track mind, tonight’s late-night linguistics research spawned this realization: the word for “man” in Romanian (bărbat from Lat. BARBATUS) translates to “bearded.” THAT EXPLAINS EEEVERYTHING! Given my facial hair fixation, I’m shocked that I’d never noticed this before. Who knew preparing for grad graduation could actually be enjoyable? Happy Nun signing off, for now.
PS. The sad part is that the word barba starts with bar. I miss bars.

Ex Libris

Posted in Uncategorized on October 1, 2011 by Cristina

For a research paper, I’ve been using a book that I bought at Strand for $1 in NYC a few years ago: Vocabularul Minimal al Limbii Române. Its previous owner wrote his name and city on the inside cover: Piatra Neamț 8 August, 1983. That’s pretty close to my hometown, so for a little study break, I decided to look the guy up like I did the time with the really disturbing book note. Turns out that John M. Cammett was an American scholar of Italian communism (which explain his handwritten Italian translations all over the book). I guess he was studying political shit in Romania at the same time as I was pooping my pants.

Ew. Looks a little too much like our former dictator, Nicolae Ceauşescu:

As if this book wasn’t boring enough, now I find out it’s tainted with communist bullshit. Crap, this makes me want to stop researching and have a Coca-Cola with whiskey or some other capitalist drink.