Archive for January, 2012

Dating fail

Posted in Uncategorized on January 22, 2012 by Cristina

Just like with flirting, the dating scene is something I know very little about. Typical outings seem like interviews, but with more awkwardness and (hopefully) sexual tension. I normally don’t date total strangers, but when a guy helped with a car-starting situation and asked me out to lunch, I couldn’t say no. Trying to eat noodles while fielding a slew of hard questions turned out to be less pleasant than this sweet pea makes it look:

Ok, so he didn’t ask that last one, but he should have. Even though I suspected he might be a republican, I agreed to a second date (what? he had eye fat). I don’t know what made me do it (lack of a soul, probably), but after seeing side-by-side toilets in the women’s restroom, I told him we needed to take a picture in there. It was just too good to pass up. We did two takes and on the second one, I decided we should pull our pants down. You know, for authenticity. I have no idea what he must’ve been thinking… “By George, this bitch is weird” or “She’s gonna jump my bones!” Whatever it was, he didn’t pull down his red undies.

Authenticity fail. I didn’t intend for that antic to be a test, but it turned out to be one. I feel bad for the guy, he was a pretty good sport but I’m just too strange for his innocent soul. No second beer, no third date.


Ummm… can I listen too?

Posted in Uncategorized on January 11, 2012 by Cristina

Just because the bowels of the NYC subway were my extended living room this winter, I chose it as the setting of another social experiment. Everywhere I looked, passengers with earphones were tuned into their own soundtrack and tuned out of the shared space. I thought it’d be interesting to tap into these sound bubbles, so I bought a headphone splitter and started asking strangers if I could plug into their mp3 thingies to share their music. For a shy gal like me, it sometimes took a while to build up the courage, my heart racing till I could muster a tap on the shoulder. I did this about a couple of dozen times… TOTAL SUCCESS since every single person said YES! Here are the most interesting findings:
1. Everyone chose new songs for me. They’d say things like “Hope you like Jay-Z” and “You like Billy Joel?” They all wanted to curate our shared soundtrack, leading me to conclude that humans are inherently good and want to please each other.
2. Most people enjoy their music at ear-bleeding levels.
3. Most of the black people happened to be listening to songs that featured the N-word. One guy actually turned to me and, with an apologetic face, mouthed “sorry.” What? You’re sorry? I’m sorry? I’m confused.
4. Foreign people changed their selections to English after one song max.
5. No one introduced themselves. Not sure what to glean from that.
Overall, it was a pleasant experience that always ended with full-blown or shakily-stifled smiles. My favorite moments were turning to sparkly-eyed, knit-hat stranger and whispering ‘that was nice’ at the end of this song:

Calling all dreamers!

Posted in Uncategorized on January 8, 2012 by Cristina

Dennis on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia shared his thoughts on others’ dreams: “I hate listening to people’s dreams. It’s like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I’m not in any of them and nobody is having sex, I just don’t care.” I usually agree with this notion, but sometimes people have great dreams that they can describe vividly. I rarely remember mine, but four months ago I couldn’t get one out of my head, so I called my photographer friend to help reenact it. With loads of toast and old salami, we captured the image that’d surfaced from the depths of my pea brain:

It’s pretty simple and totally bizarre: I’m watching myself eat a sandwich held together by metal bangles, while the bangles on my arms are made of bread. I don’t know what this nonsense means, but it was neat bringing it to reality. New obsession: capturing your REM-rants in the name of fun with cameras and the subconscious. Now, I need someone to bring me one of these from the coast; the bigger and fresher, the better.

Remember your dreams!